Just a quick update :)

YIKES! I haven't blogged in almost a month. Sorry school happens and I just haven't really had the time to. Well, as I said I am using this blog to talk about my experience with God. He never ceases to amaze me, especially when he is trying to grab your attention.

    Here lately, I have been very frustrated. I have tried to make things happen that just aren't happening. I feel as though I should move out and have my own place, and me being unable to had made me bitter. I was pushing my family, and friends away. Needless to say I wasn't joyful to be around. I lost sight of what was important.

   Well, as I said God has a way of grabbing your attention. I went to church for the first time in a few weeks. I was moved by the love I saw, and willing hands I saw to reach out and pray for a family of that church going through a trying time. It really put my life into perspective (again). There are people going through more trying things than me just not being able to move out. To me I felt the Lord tug at my heart then and there to show me I don't have it bad at all, and I just need to get over myself.

   I am healthy, I have a wonderful family, friends, boyfriend. I am able to go to school, and I get to do something I love. I need to learn to keep that in perspective and not let one little thing I don't have get to me. How incredibly selfish of me to be upset about something so small. So, that is what I am working on now, keeping my life in perspective, and being where God wants me to be. Obviously, it is where I am right now. Also, I am working on being unselfish, and only the Lord can help me with that. I will try to blog again soon.

Endless love

I haven't blogged in a while.
Recently, I have been trying to learn to love and trust the Lord, I am new to it. Also, it's hard to wrap your head around the fact that there is someone who will love you no matter what. It's hard to grasp that someone could be so selfless. I know it's stupid to personify God, he isn't an actual person, but he does have feelings right?
   He cares I know that much. Other wise why would he reach out to me.  I have been praying lately that I could learn about Gods love, but recently he answered my prayer through a sermon, of John Strimple this past Sunday at Mallard Point Baptist in Georgetown.
  On a side note, let me just say that church is amazing. I love the close-friendly-family feel. Another blessing being with Brad has brought me. I haven't been too often but every time I go, it is such a close church. People all know each other by name and families. It's not so big people have no idea who enters their church. I love that it's small but it's a congregation of good people serving the Lord. Kids grow up in the church, Brad is one of them. I think that is AMAZING. 
  Back to the sermon, he talked about how we will never grasp how much God loves us, and even when we think we know,  we don't. I think that was an answer to my prayer of how to love God. I will never understand how much he loves me. There is no spefic way to love him either. Just try and try and trust he has a plan for me, and I don't have to try and control everything.
THAT is a scary for me, but I think it was something I needed to learn. So right now, I am trying to learn more, and study more about the word of God. Also, learn to let him guide me in life. Even if it isn't something I want to do. :)

Timing.

(Forewarning this is kinda corny and cheesey)
    Today, I did a reading and it was about God's timing. How perfect God's timing can be it seems like he planned it that way. It reminded me of another blessing in my life that had such weird timing.
Let me just say I had sworn off relationships and was perfectly content with being alone. I had been hurt so bad, and I just wanted to be alone. Apparently, that wasn't what God had planned for me.
I remember the first time I saw Brad, I was walking in the gym and he was coaching the 6th graders.

I asked my mom "Who the 15 year old was coaching the 6th graders."

She said "Vanessa his name is Coach Levy, he's your age or a year older than you".

I said, "Oh thats cool." She said why do you think he's cute?

I said I don't even know him mom. Then I never thought twice about it. I did think he was cute though :)

I talked to Brad a few times after that it was more like a "Hello, good game." "See ya". (In case people aren't aware Brad is shy when you meet him, or at least I thought he was). We started talking one day some how or another, I think it was on Facebook, and he asked for my number. One day he decided to ask me on date. After that its pretty much history( haha). Although it took us forever to admit we liked each other and even longer to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
   Anyway, back to timing. Like I said I had sworn of relationships. God had funny timing when I met Brad though. I would have never met Brad if I had never decided to coach. Funny thing is Brad and I graduated together never once did I know him, have a class with him or even see him really. We even had some of the same friends but never met until now.
  Brad, is one the greatest people you could ever get to know. He is very kind, he would do anything for anyone, very witty and funny, he is very intelligent, and he is the probably the most positive person I know.
    When I met Brad I was getting really discouraged with cheerleading, and he reminded me of why I love to do it. He has the uncanny ability to always think positively and look at the bright side.  Which, is great for me, because sometimes I tend to dwell on what is going wrong and why the glass is half empty. Brad's glass is always half full.
    He has helped me get close with my little brother and my family. He has been such a blessing to me. I thank God everyday for bringing me some one who can love me despite my craziness, treats me well, and above all else is a good person. Brad is probably one of the greatest blessings God has given me, and I feel incredibly lucky to have some one so great in my life.

Blessed

Last time I wrote I told you about how the Lord came in to my life. Well, over a few more blogs I want to tell you some of the many ways he has blessed me in my life. 

   After a few weeks of being home, I decided to help my mom with her cheer leading camp. ( A little back ground you should know, I cheered for 10 years and I absolutely loved it.) For the first time when I was helping her I actually felt kind of happy. I wasn't thinking about my past and was totally immersed in something I loved. Little did I know that helping her is what would lead to even better things (which I will write about later). I decided however to help be her assistant coach at the middle school. I learned a lot from coaching those girls. 

    More so I learned a lot about myself. They were probably the best group of girls I could have ever asked to coach. They won every competition we participated in. I never thought I was good at something but I was actually good at this. I finally felt like I was doing something that I loved. Which is so lucky for me, the Lord blessed me with coaching. Something I am passionate about which helped me find what I want to do with the rest of my life. 

   Now I have blessed with another wonderful opportunity of coaching at the high school. I know the Lord has big plans for me. This is just one of the many blessings I have. I found what I love to do, and not a lot of people can say that.

The breaking Point

  I just recently with in the past year started believing in God. Last summer, I was in a bad place. I was just out of a relationship that was very unhealthy. I pretty tore my life apart after it ended. I was going down a bad path. I didn't know what I believed in, I had dropped out of school. All of my money went to drinking, and smoking. I barely made rent.
   Now, you may think this is the life of a typical college student struggling. No, it's not I made my life 10x harder by my need to feel wanted, and drinking to forget how I felt. I drank to feel a void in my life. I slept late, I ate crappy food, I was always depressed about something. It could be the weather, the girl in my class who annoyed me. I had no patience for anything. I was incredibly selfish. I resented my family, because in my mind "They thought they were perfect." In, my life I wasn't perfect to them. I didn't make good grades. I was the crazy mistake they had who constantly made bad decisions.
  Around this time last year, I was at what I consider my all time low. I wasn't making any money yet I still spent it to drink even though I had a $2000.00 bill to pay so I could get back in school. (Not a lot of people knew I dropped out. I was embarrassed to tell them. I even made up that the next semester I was going to another school, when really I couldn't go back because I hadn't paid back my school. If you're reading this I am sorry if you were one of those I lied to.) My parents were trying to reach out to me, and I kept on doing what I wanted, and spending money I didn't have. Any way, I made a decision that would change my life. I moved back home. I fought moving back home for so long, because to me that was failing. I knew if I moved home I wouldn't be able to live the way I wanted to. However, I was a month behind on rent, and the second month of rent was coming up and I knew I wasn't going to have the money. So I did what I had to and what my parents said, and moved home.
  After being home for a while, I quickly had a hard time finding a job. I finally after about 3 weeks found one at Walmart. Which was good enough for me at the time. As I started working there  I quickly realized as the summer drew to an end I wasn't going to be going back to school.  I continued to party for a while when I first moved and blew my money. . (Can you see where my priorities were messed up?)
  One day while at work I went to the bathroom. Now I don't know if they do this all the time, but it reached out to me so whoever did this. Thank you. You saved my life and gave it meaning. When I went in there I saw a 5 laws of God pamphlet, and one of those tiny New Testament books. I took one and went home. I finally saw God trying to reach out to me. He was trying to get to me in some way. I thought, maybe he is real, and I do believe. This is what I call the breaking point in my life, and from this point my life has gotten better. Which is why I started this blog, to share my journey, and life as God continues to bless me. To share how I grow and learn every day about God.